


Caduceus and His Book of Things He Doesn't Know

by bunbunko



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Awkward Flirting, Crushes, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2019-01-28
Packaged: 2019-09-21 07:57:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17039837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bunbunko/pseuds/bunbunko
Summary: Caduceus received a gift in a form of a journal from Caleb as thanks for his contribution to the Mighty Nein.He may or may not be trying to win the firbolg's attention. Either way, Caduceus has no idea what's going on.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I posted this while I'm having a breakdown after 2 weeks of working on my college project non-stop.
> 
> I still have 2 days left for various revisions but my attention-deprived ass has to post things to feel better about herself.

Caduceus knew that living in a cemetery all his life isn't really reflective of live outside the brambles and dead trees that surrounded his temple.

He knew that there's a lot going on in the town where he usually gets his supplies from but he's also wise enough to not stick his nose where it doesn't belong.

As a result, he doesn't know a lot of things. But that hasn't been an issue throughout his life in the temple.

Not that it mattered. He knew how to comfort mourning people that came knocking in the temple with their dead loved ones, and that seemed to be enough.

But things changed drastically as soon as he joined the oddly-named group of travelling adventurers. The Mighty Nein.

The outside world is so different. So many things are happening at once and the poor firbolg can only hope to catch up.

"Mr. Clay? A word please?"

A voice interrupted Caduceus' train of thought. He set his teacup down to the table in the middle of their inn room and opened the door to reveal Caleb in front of it.

He seemed to be carrying a paper bag. Curious.

"May I come in? If it's not much a bother."

"Oh, of course, of course. Please come in, I was just enjoying a cup of tea," he said as he moved aside to let the wizard in. "Have a seat, Mr. Caleb. I'll pour you a cup."

Caleb wanted to retaliate but Caduceus was already bringing back his teapot and pouring a cup for him.

"Ah, thank you."

They both sit and sipped on the tea for a while before Caduceus broke the silence.

"So, did you want to talk about anything?"

"Ah, _ja_. I wanted to give this to you, as a thanks. For taking such good care of us."

Caleb handed him the paper bag that he's been holding. Caduceus stared at it for a moment before opening it and pulled out its' content.

It's a hardback journal with a nature-inspired design impressed on the cover. Tiny leaves and flower shapes adorn the base reddish-brown color. It seemed to have almost metallic color in the detail but he can't be sure if it's actually brass or just a paint with interesting properties to it.

"I am not entirely sure if you would like it. I saw this on sale while shopping for books and instantly thought of you," Caleb explained as Caduceus inspected the journal further. "Maybe it's not the best gift, I should have picked something nice-"

"I like it very much, Mr. Caleb. I think this is very beautiful," he interrupted while giving Caleb one of his genuine smile. "Thank you for the gift, I will take good care of it."

Caleb seems to be surprised before quickly snatching his cup and downed his tea quicker than he should. He rubbed his mouth a couple of times while casting his gaze downwards.

Caduceus thought that the tip of Caleb's ears were getting a bit redder, but the fireplace did give the room a warm lighting.

"I... should be going. Long day tomorrow. _Gute nacht._ "

And with that Caleb stood up and left his room.

The cleric gave a few blinks when he shut the door behind him and an apparent running sound was heard from beyond it.

He stared at the journal and the paper bag that he left behind. Peeking inside, there's a pen and a pot of ink. Is it his? But he remembered Caleb having a nice pen that he always used when he's up late at night and scribbled at his spellbook. And the ink that he used was that nice ink that he got from Pumat Sol, so maybe this is for him?

He picked up the pen and ink and started to test it out for a bit.

He wrote his name on top of the first page and watched as the ink dry.

_Caduceus Clay._

Without thinking much, he wrote down again. A topic that he knew he will experience a lot.

_Book of Things That I Don't Know._

He doesn't have anything to write now, but he's sure that the pages will fill itself soon enough.

He closed the journal, tucked it in his backpack and readied himself to sleep.


	2. (Harmless) Deception

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caduceus does not understand why Caleb would lie about something harmless.

"To your right!"

Caduceus ducked just in time to avoid an arrow that was heading straight to his head, thanks to the warning from Fjord. The smuggler spat at the wasted arrow and tried to nock another one before a bolt rushed and embedded itself to his hand, causing him to drop the arrow that he was holding.

Fjord used the opportunity to cast Eldritch Blast at him, knocking the already battered man off the platfrom he was on. Jester waved her hand and slammed her gigantic lollipop on the man who was prone on the ground, cutting his scream short.

The job was to clear out the smuggler that has been stealing The Gentleman's route and causing some casualties. Needless to say, he was pissed.

The smuggler proved to be quite the challenge, they're quick, smart and knew the terrain well. They've been lurking around in the underground for months, raising to opportunities to attack and retreating back into the shadows when outnumbered.

"There were nine people when we arrived, _ja?_ " Caleb said as he rummaged through his component bag. "Where's the rest of them?"

"Careful, they might be setting up an ambush," Fjord replied while scanning the dark room.

Perceptive as he might be, Caduceus was at a disadvantage as the only source of light in the room was his glowing staff.

They all walk together towards a hallway carefully. Nott already walking a bit further from them to check for traps.

"I don't like this, this seems like the perfect place for--"

Caleb's sentence were suddenly cut short as he vanished from the hallway.

Caduceus could barely hear the sound of a gear shifting before he fell down too.

Jester quickly realized what was going on and pushed the rest of her friends to run towards the end of the hallway as, one by one, the false floor of the hall opened up to a dark pit.

Caleb whipped out a feather and quickly muttered out the incantation for Feather Fall. 

The arcane energy enveloped both of them, slowing down their descend. Caduceus used the moment to turn around mid-air to take a look at Caleb, who was a few feet below him already.

To his surprise, he found the wizard staring at him.

"Do I have something on my face?"

Caduceus wasn't sure, because the pit was dark and illuminated by his staff only, but Caleb's eyes widened and he seemed to be a little bit flustered.

"Ah, umm, _nein_. I was just... making sure that you were okay," he stammered out, fumbling as he put back his feather in his pouch of various components.

Caduceus made a vague grunting sound at that. He knew that Caleb wasn't being entirely truthful, but why wouldn't he be truthful about something as harmless as looking at him?

Maybe he really had something on his face. 

He brought his soft furry hand to feel around his own face, much to the confusion of Caleb.

They both landed on a watery surface, shallow enough to be called a puddle instead of a river. But there is a small current and it seemed to go deeper if they walked in either direction.

"Are you okay!?" came Jester's heavily accented voice. "Please say something if you're alive!"

"We're fine, Jester!" Caduceus replied. "You go ahead, we'll find an exit!"

Caduceus started to calm himself for a while since the drop made his heart beat too fast for him to listen to the wind and find the source of the draft in the dark cave.

"Caduceus," Caleb called out after a moment of looking around. "I... can't see in the dark, may I hold your arm for guidance?"

Caleb was definitely fidgeting now, he was sure of it. He's playing with the frayed hem of his scarf and actively avoided his eyes.

This is definitely going into his journal. He doesn't understand why would Caleb be so shy about something as innocent as asking for help or looking at him.

"Sure, be my guest," he answered after a bit of pondering while he extended his arm so that Caleb can hold it.

The red-haired wizard took the arm and they both walked around, in search of an exit.

Little did Caduceus know that Caleb has been palming and hiding his Transmutation Stone in his pocket. The magic stored withing allowed the wizard to look in the dark clearly.

And looking at Caduceus was the only thing that he did the entire time.


	3. Reaction: Counter-Flattery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A simple flattery can lead to a confusing and awkward conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is very much inspired by "what a room to brighten" in Chaos and Commerce since that was adorable and a very Caduceus thing to say.

Caduceus spent the morning writing on his journal.

Most of the content is various banter from his friends. Like Beau laughing until her face went red when he said that he was tossing salad, or their lengthy discussion of the name 'Ball Eater.'

He found the smirks that adorned his friends faces when they talked about eating balls very suspicious.

He also scribbled a variety of Caleb's behavior around him. He seemed to be prone to making some minor deception to an unknowable end. Maybe if he wrote it all down, he'll know what his end goal is.

Caduceus doubted that Caleb has malicious intentions, but the wizard does seemed to have a troubled past. Whatever it is, he'll help him.

Maybe it's what The Wildmother sent him to do.

He closed his journal and made way to the inn's main floor. The barkeep was smiling widely when he saw him walking down the stairs.

"Ah, if it isn't the patron who cooks for himself. How may I help you?" Wessek said in his usual gruff tone, but still very welcoming.

"I would like to borrow the kitchen again, if you don't mind," he replied politely, hands already fiddling with his spice bag.

"Of course, of course. Just tell me what ingredients you picked up from the larder and I'll count the total. Don't mind me if I walk in to cook for other patrons, though."

Caduceus just gave him a chuckle as he walked into the kitchen to start preparing breakfast for his friends. 

He grabbed a bunch of ingredients from the larder, making sure that every ingredients he picked up are written down in a scrap paper. He sniffed the ingredients to determine their quality. If it's not fit for consumption, he'll pocket it to make a good compost.

Before long, he emerged from the kitchen with a tray full of foods already split fairly to feed the Mighty Nein.

And good timing too, since they're all already downstairs with their drinks. A couple of coffee, warm milk and hardcore liqueur. And a cup of tea, sitting untouched on the table, right next to Caleb's mug of coffee.

"Here's breakfast, everyone. If you want meat, I'm sure you can order some from Wessek," he said as he passed out the plate for everyone. Nott immediately raised her hand to call Wessek and order a lot of meats while Beau digged around for some pocket bacon.

They all ate while they discussed their previous quest. How they looted some interesting stuffs that were, maybe, stolen contrabands from The Gentleman. No one knows for sure, and it was maybe better that way.

And they decided to divide the loots they wanted to return to their employer, and the ones that they wanted to keep for themselves.

"Thank you, Caduceus, for the meal," Caleb suddenly said after he's done with his plate. "It is very delicious, you are a great cook."

"Ah, thank you for the compliment Mr. Caleb," he replied sincerely with his usual lazy smile. "And you eat very well, too."

"I... did?"

"Yeah, you didn't eat it too fast or too slow. You didn't play with your food or leave anything uneaten. I'd say that's eating well," he explained, still with a smile.

"Well, thank you. For your counter-compliment," Caleb paused for a second. "Please do not think that I am fishing for compliments, I do think that your cooking is amazing and you should know that."

"Oh, no. I mean, it's only polite. I also think that I should let you know that you eat really well, because wasted food is just really sad," Caduceus said as he waved his hand around as if to dismiss the idea that Caleb was fishing for compliments.

"I... thank you for your candor," the wizard replied hesitantly.

"You're welcome," he said with a smile. "And I thank you for your sincerity."

Silence befell the group as they watched the banter between Caleb and Caduceus.

"Wow," Beau broke the silence. "That wasn't awkward, at all."

Everyone immediately bursted into a fit of giggles and laughs. Even Yasha smiled in a very fond way and sipped on her coffee to hide it.

Caleb just slowly shrunk into his own clothes and he pulled his scarf to cover his blushing face while everyone else made various comments on their, frankly, bizarre conversation. 

He decided to summon Frumpkin and ordered him to do a reverse scarf and put his belly on his face.

"Oh now you've done it, guys," Nott said with an exasperated tone. "You've turned my boy into a turtle."

Caduceus just shook his head at Caleb's antics and patted his messy red hair down with his big, gentle hand.

Maybe Caleb froze a bit when he felt the hand touching his hair and he didn't know if Caduceus noticed or not.

But he was sure that no one noticed him smiling beneath all the cat fur and scarf.


	4. Exhaustion and Unintentional Cuddles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A night at the camp, exhaustion and post-battle somberness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays y'all! Hope you're all having a great time whether you're celebrating or not

The forest was cold, damp and relentless.

But it felt like home to Caduceus. He took a deep breath, relishing in the smell of fresh air and the slight bite of cold that tickled his nose.

He lied down on the ground, making the droplets of water on the grass seep into his clothes. With a sigh he stared at the night sky that was framed with branches of tree, sparse in leaves because of the incoming winter.

He centered himself and let calm wash over his body. It's been way too long since he meditated and tried to seek Melora's guidance.

The voice of his friends that were setting up camp not far from him dulled to a murmur as he focused on the sounds of the forest. He let the cacophony of bugs and the crackle of campfire bring him further into his meditative state.

He heard the faintest of whispers on the back of his mind, telling him that he's on the right path, before he opened his eyes and was greeted with the same view of the sky.

And a hand tugging on his hair.

"Oh, he woke up," came the playful voice of Jester.

"Ssh! Caleb's still asleep."

Caduceus turned his head to see that Nott was braiding tiny braids into Caleb's hair.

He also realized that his hair has been braided neatly, even had some small flowers added to the braid.

"Why is Mr. Caleb asleep here?" he asked with a hushed tone.

"Oh, I told him to catch a nap since he was wounded pretty badly today and used a lot of spells," Nott explained. "He insisted on casting his nifty little tiny hut, but he can barely stand up."

"So you told him to sleep with Caduceus," Jester said with a mischievous grin that wasn't rare on her face.

Nott narrowed her eyes and just gave her a disapproving glance, which Caduceus did not understand.

"I'm sorry, I should've healed him better," Caduceus started to get up from his position on the ground, his newly-braided hair falling naturally to his shoulder. "He really did good today."

"Nonsense, you did plenty already," she answered quickly.

Nott took a half-dead flower from Caleb's hair. Caduceus didn't even notice that there was one under his hair.

"Looks like your charm worked again," Jester said with a fond look on her face. The goblin just smiled to herself and pocketed the flower.

The two of them stood up a moment later to go huddle near the campfire where Beau and Fjord was warming up their bodies.

Caduceus, having spent a great chunk of his life living in a cold forest, was hardly bothered by the weather. Plus he has furs lining up his body, a bit uneven but still offered a better protection against the cold weather.

He continued to sit down and ponder on the result of his meditation.

He still had no idea where his path will lead him, whether he'll restore his temple again or will it be consumed by the curse forever.

But he's on the right path. The thought alone put a peaceful smile on his face.

Caleb mumbled a bit in his sleep and his head lolled to the side awkwardly.

Caduceus thought about it for a moment before deciding that he'd rather disturb Caleb's sleep a little bit than having him wake up with a neck pain.

He gently cradled the sleeping man's head to bring it to his lap. Unsurprisingly, Caleb didn't stir awake when he did that considering the fact that he was visibly exhausted when they stopped to make camp.

Caduceus shrugged off his coat and draped it over Caleb's body.

"You did well today, Mr. Caleb," he whispered as he put his hand on the wizard's forehead.

Quietly as he can, he casted Cure Wounds on the man and watched as the various fresh scratches that adorned his face slowly disappeared.

He gave himself a satisfied smile and continued to appreciate the nature that surrounded him again until he fell asleep.

In the middle of the night, Caduceus faintly heard a soft 'let them sleep' through his sleepy haze and felt a blanket being draped over his body.

He didn't know who that was, he even tried to thank them but he wasn't quite awake enough to will himself to talk.

So instead he let sleep took him again and brought him into a peaceful dreamless slumber.


	5. Insight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cooking together, warm meals and advices.

"I'd like to help you," Caleb said with a determined expression.

Caduceus just blinked slowly at him while he waited for the pot of water to boil.

"Pardon?"

"Cooking, I mean. I'd like to help you cook," he clarified as he scratched Frumpkin's neck. "If you would allow it."

Caduceus thought about it for a bit, fond memories of him and his family cooking together came flooding and he can't help but smile. Maybe he can teach him some tricks and recipes just like he used to teach his sister.

"With pleasure, Mr. Caleb. Here, I have a bunch of vegetables to chop up, why don't you take some?"

Frumpkin jumped off of Caleb's shoulder and started to nestle on a rock near the campfire, making himself comfortable in a way that only cats can do.

Both of them started working in tandem, a little awkward at times since Caduceus relatively large and gangly form had to move around Caleb who wasn't very used at cooking beyond stabbing ingredients on a stick and cooking it over an open fire.

Caduceus pulled out various vegetables that he needed to make the mushroom broth that everyone in his family liked so much. He wanted to ask Caleb for help in chopping the carrots but he was struggling with peeling the potatoes. The skin was chunky and sometimes the knife would glide too fast and went way too close to his fingers.

"Here," Caduceus grabbed Caleb's hand that was holding the knife and peered over his shoulder. "If you hold it this way and press it on the potatoes like this, it'll glide smoother and you'll have less trouble peeling it."

" _J-ja,_ " he stammered as Caduceus slowly let his hand go. "I'll do that now, thank you."

He started to hastily peel the potatoes, following Caduceus' lead.

"Not so fast, now. Wouldn't want to accidentaly nick yourself," he reminded with a chuckle.

Caleb did a mini version of shrinking into himself and just tucked his chin into his scarf as he slowed down the knife. The tip of his ears turned red, which Caduceus noticed and regarded with an amused smile.

They went back to work in a comfortable silence, Caduceus only talked occasionally to give Caleb something to do when he's done chopping or peeling whatever was thrown his way.

The cleric stirred his pot of broth a few times before dipping in a spoon and blew on it before sampling it.

"Hm, pretty good if I may say so myself," he said to himself and he dipped the spoon back into his pot. "Here, try some."

Caduceus blew on the spoon again and held it out for Caleb.

"Uh," Caleb stared at the spoon that was held mere inches from his face. Whatever he wanted to say only came out in a string of stammers and his eyes flit from the spoon to Caduceus' face.

"I already blew on it, it's not boiling hot," he said with a reassuring voice.

Caleb let out a long noise that was awfully similar to Fjord's when he was being pressed into making a hard decision.

He finally steeled himself and opened his mouth slightly, signaling Caduceus that it was okay to feed him the broth. The spoon was brought closer to his mouth and he closed his lips around it.

His tongue was immediately greeted by a rich warm broth, the taste reminding him of some nicer homemade soups that he had in their trips to various inns in bigger cities. And it's surprising that it was made by various vegetables and only a small amount of spices.

"It's really good," he said honestly, all tenseness melting away from his shoulder. "Did you came up with this yourself?"

"No, this one I learned from one of my sister," he answered truthfully. "It was a secret blend that she came up with herself actually, she wouldn't budge until I pleaded her while I was bed-ridden from my knee injury."

Caleb let out a genuine laugh at the story, a sound that is not often heard. It's a bit hoarse and he stopped himself sooner than most people do.

But strangely, Caduceus found himself liking the sound.

"We should put the rest of the vegetable in," Caleb said after clearing his throat. "Everyone must be waiting for dinner."

Caduceus agreed and put in the rest of the chopped vegetables into the pot. It should be a small, but filling, meal.

Beau was the first one to came and pester the two of them for a bowl of the soup. Apparently the smell was strong enough for her to smell it from the top of the tree that she was climbing to get a good look of their surroundings.

The rest of them came afterwards with excitement on their faces as they finally got the chance to eat something good on the road instead of some dried jerky that they've been nibbling on the cart.

The warm meal certainly brighten up the group's mood as they sat in a circle around the campfire and started telling stories and joked around. Laughs and playful kicking, mostly between Jester and Beau, was exchanged while Yasha listened to Fjord's stories of being in the sea.

Nott didn't even touch her flask for the entirety of the meal as she scarfed the soup and asked for seconds.

Caduceus found himself looking at Caleb, who was staring at his own bowl. The soup only half-eaten, and his spoon weakly stabbed the potato repeatedly.

"Are you okay, Mr. Caleb?" he asked quietly as he sat down on his side. "Do you not like the soup?"

"No, no, the soup is really delicious," he answered quickly. "I was... preoccupied, with my own thoughts."

Caduceus looked at his eyes for a while, trying to take in as much as he could before Caleb broke the eye contact and hid himself beneath his scarf again.

"Do not let your guilt consume you, Mr. Caleb," he finally said after a beat of silence. "Enjoy what you have now, you deserve it."

Caleb's hand stopped moving entirely as he froze. Whatever expression he had before was replaced by a blank look. 

Caduceus wondered if that was the right thing to say, or the right time, but there was no taking it back now that he already said it.

After a minute or two of tense silence, Caleb not moving an inch as he stared hard into the campfire, Caduceus put a comforting hand on his shoulder then walked away.

Maybe he wasn't close enough to him to say that.

They washed all the bowls and the pots before resting up for the evening, the tense mood between Caleb and Caduceus went unnoticed to the rest of them.

They all settled in the tiny hut and one by one everyone fell asleep. Caduceus' mind kept wandering to Caleb and his reaction to his advice but he let the soft exhales and tiny snores of his friends lull him.

Caduceus was on the brink of sleep when he heard a soft whisper, barely audible.

"I don't deserve you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops, I'm sorry.
> 
> Edit: fixed some typos :( that was embarrassing


	6. Healing Word

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caduceus found himself displeased that Caleb has been avoiding him.
> 
> He found out why.

Caduceus stared at the ink that was dripping from his quill to the page of his journal, creating a big splotch of black on the paper.

He shook his head as he put his quill aside. Rubbing his eyes, he tried to focus his mind enough to actually start writing something and kept failing.

Ever since Caduceus gave Caleb that advice, the wizard has been very reserved when interacting with him. Never engaged conversation first, or even look at him in the face.

And ever since then, he had the hardest time focusing on anything else but that. He felt guilty and confused at the same time.

How can he ask for forgiveness when the man practically flee at the sight of him?

He had to admit that he was stumped and gave up on trying to make sense of it all. There's nothing else to do now except asking for help from his other friends.

As he made his way to exit his own room in the inn, he wondered who might be able to help him.

His best bet would be Nott, as she's the closest to him and seemed to be the one who's really protective of him.

And if he actually offended Caleb in any way, he can count on her to let him know about it.

Caduceus stepped down to the inn's main room and located Nott on the bar downing multiple shots of alcohol easily, the bartender visibly surprised that the little unassuming girl could down so much alcohol.

He approached Nott who looked like a halfling girl but still wearing her Cloak of Elvenkind so that she could be recognized by her friends. She looked surprised that the firbolg would voluntarily sit on a bar again, especially with her.

"Deucey? What are you doing here?" she asked after polishing another glass of whatever the bartender threw her way.

"Certainly not for alcohol, but I have a question," he said, pausing to let the visibly confused bartender refill Nott's glass. "It's about Mr. Caleb."

She focused her eyes at him, ignoring the full glass that was sitting in front of her.

"What did you do to him?" she whispered, her face full of concern.

"I gave him an advice," Caduceus answered truthfully. "Then he stopped talking to me and I'm afraid I might have said something that hurt him."

Nott nodded once and glanced at the room on the second floor.

"I thought he seemed to be in a bad mood lately," she said. "He didn't say anything to me, but I know that he's sad. Even more than usual."

"What can I do to fix this?"

"The thing is, if it's actually your fault, it'll be easier to apologize to him," she paused as she looked down and fiddled with her gloves. "But if he thinks that it's his fault, it'll take a longer time for him to forgive himself. Even if you reassure him everyday."

Caduceus mulled over Nott's words, trying to understand the wizard better. Perhaps his words brought up some bad memories from his past but that doesn't explain why he would avoid him. Maybe he blamed him for reminding him of that? 

But it seemed like Caleb would not be the kind of man who would blame others. He would go as far as blaming himself if something went wrong, even if it wasn't his fault.

Caleb did behave strangely before he avoided him entirely, maybe that had something to do with all this.

"Nott," he said suddenly after a long pause, making Nott pay attention to him again. "Have you noticed Mr. Caleb behaving oddly for the past few weeks?"

"What do you mean?" she asked. "He's his usual self around me."

"Actually, I have been writing it all down," he handed Nott his journal and flipped it over to a few pages that he had dedicated for writing down Caleb's behavior. "There's a lot of strange things he did, but I don't think he has any malicious intent so I didn't bring it up to the rest of the group."

Nott took a moment to read it all down, her lips slowly forming a smile and she even snickered at some segments.

"Oh, Caduceus..." Nott sighed amusedly and returned the journal back to Caduceus. "I think Caleb was hitting on you."

"Hitting? He's never hit me before."

"No, not literally," Nott hissed out. "I mean flirting. He likes you and wants you to be his boyfriend."

"Huh," Caduceus rubbed his chin as he pondered on that revelation. "I must admit that I am very uninformed in the way that people court each other."

"No shit."

"Should I... court him back?" Caduceus asked. "I have a few things in mind, maybe then he'll talk to me again."

"If you also like him then you should, but don't do it just because you feel bad," Nott advised. "Just talk to him first, he's still in our room."

The goblin shooed Caduceus away then turned back to order some food for herself.

Caduceus steeled his nerves and walked to Caleb's room at the end of the hall of the second floor. He knocked the door twice and waited for a response.

"Mr. Caleb?" he called out after a few seconds of silence.

Still no response.

Caduceus tried the door handle and it opened with a creak, revealing the warm room inside. There's also Caleb slumped over a desk, multiple books scaterred on the desk and floor.

His back rise and fall ever so slightly, signaling Caduceus that he was just asleep.

He smiled a bit to himself and walked inside to grab a folded blanket that was sitting on a rack.

Caleb instantly jolted awake and grabbed his component bag as he hastily turned to face whoever entered his room.

"Whoa, it's just me Mr. Caleb," Caduceus waved his hand harmlessly. "I wanted to talk to you but you fell asleep on your desk."

Caleb visibly relaxed from his fighting stance and just turned around to tidy his desk, not saying anything.

"Are you mad at me?"

"No!" he answered, way too quickly, before clearing his throat and busied himself with his papers.

"But you've been avoiding me," Caduceus replied. "It's okay if you don't want to tell me why."

The shuffling of papers slowed to a stop and Caleb slowly turned around, face contorting to an unreadable expression.

"You're so nice, Caduceus, and I feel like I'm taking advantage of you," he said as he shifted his gaze to everywhere but Caduceus. "I had hoped for something more than a friend from you, and I realized that it was wrong."

"Why did you think it was wrong?"

"Because I am a bad person, Caduceus. And you deserve a lot better than me," he said with such certainty in his voice that took Caduceus aback.

"Mr. Caleb..." Caduceus gestured over towards the bed so they can sit down while they talk. "Do you trust me?"

"I do."

"Then sit down and listen to me very carefully," Caduceus said with an intensity that is very rarely heard in his voice. "You have done nothing but prove everyone, including me, that you care for us. Whatever your past is or the kind of person you believe you are, you did not let that kill your compassion for others. That, I think, is very impressive and I am proud of you for that."

Caleb, who was sitting down on the bed, visibly slumped and brought his face to his palms.

"I have... plenty to confess," he said with a shaky breath. "I hope it will not create a rift between us, but it felt wrong to not tell you this."

Caduceus sat down as Caleb started recounting his past. His words shaky and sometimes he trailed off and stared into the distance before he shook his head and picked up the story again.

None of them knew when exactly did they laid down on the bed, staring on the wooden ceiling. Caduceus still processing all of the emotions that he felt from listening to everything that Caleb had gone through.

He might not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but he's very in touch with his feelings. And being overwhelmed by it was a strange sensation that he hadn't felt since he was a confused young boy in the middle of the forest.

His hand found its way to Caleb's dirty hair and gently brushed it. Caleb's head involutarily leaning to it, not really caring about much at this point.

"I don't blame you," Caduceus said slowly. "There will be a time when you will forgive yourself. I will be there for you then, and I will be here for you now."

Caleb didn't reply and just let Caduceus brush his hair with his fingers.

It seemed like forever until Caduceus stopped moving his hands and lifted himself off the bed. He draped the clean blanket over Caleb's body and left the room quietly.

Outside was Nott, fiddling with her flask and trinkets that Jester had fashioned into a necklace for her. She looked up to Caduceus expectantly.

"How did it go?"

"He still blames himself, it will take a long time," he answered. "I hope tomorrow he won't avoid me again, but we'll see."

Nott visibly deflated. Maybe she had hoped for him to miraculously heal that wound?

"I see," she said with a disappointed voice. "Well I thank you for talking to him anyway, I only want him to be happy."

Caduceus smiled at Nott's words. How lucky Caleb was for finding a friend in a goblin whose heart is bigger than herself.

"I want that too," he said before walking back to his own room and retired for the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realized I have something that resembles a plot and now I'm panicking. I did not plan for this. It was supposed to be a collection of fluff how did this happen


	7. Figure Things Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title says it all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so it's been forever and I'm sorry :( to be fair I was sick and have to move around a bit and I've been a little bit tired.
> 
> But episode 48 fucking stabbed me in the back and told me to continue writing or e l s e

"I felt like this is cheating, a little bit."

"It's not! You're hopeless and we're just helping things move along."

Nott and Jester flipped through Caduceus' journal and giggled a lot, which made heat creep up the firbolg's face a little bit. To be fair, they only read the segment about Caleb and didn't try to steal glances at other pages.

"Ooh, he looked at you a lot," Jester said with an excited voice. "You should look back at his face, he has this little butt chin that you can see if he shaved his beard. It's really cute."

"Butt... chin?"

"Yeah! He has this dimple on his chin, it's really not noticeable under all of that beard but I saw it once after Yasha shaved him," she said rapidly with her heavily accented voice. "Maybe you can give him a shave again, Caduceus! You have a nicely trimmed beard after all, and you have a really cool shaved hair so you must be really good at grooming yourself."

"Well, if he ever wanted another shave, I'll make sure to offer," he said, a bit distracted as he's thinking what would Caleb look like without his beard.

He must admit that he's very curious.

"Caduceus," Nott said in a serious tone. "You do want to make Caleb happy, right?"

"Yes, I do."

"What if Caleb dated me?" Jester added. "Think about me and Caleb prancing around on a field and holding hands and kiss each other after lighting fireworks in a baddie's tent. How does that make you feel?"

Caduceus ponders over the strange scene that Jester set up for him. Caleb jumping around gleefully with Jester, a peculiar sight, but imagining the wizard laughing and having fun brought joy to him and he found himself loving the picture he painted in his own head.

Nott and Jester watched as Caduceus face contorted into a lazy smile and nodded sagely to no one in particular.

"He looks happy?" Jester asked quietly to Nott. "I don't think he's jealous."

"Ssh! He's not there yet!" Nott hissed her reply and slapped a hand over Jester's mouth as she looked at Caduceus expectantly.

Caduceus moved on to the next scene that Jester asked him to imagine. Jester and Caleb holding each other's hand in the night, fireworks and crackers popping loudly in the background accompanied by bandits running around and screaming. They would laugh and run to a safe distance, still holding hands.

He imagined them slowly leaning for a kiss and somehow his mood soured faster than finding an undead shuffling aimlessly. He shook his head to dismiss his imagination and found his two friends staring at him with an almost comical wide eyes.

"So?" Nott asked first, hand still pressed over Jester's mouth.

"Well, I'm happy if Caleb's happy," he answered. "I think I should like it if anyone can make him happy, but..."

"But?"

"Imagining him kissing you is... unpleasant," he confessed. "I don't mean to offend, Jester."

Surprisingly for Caduceus, both of the girls grinned at each other. Nott's fangs would be a terrifying sight if not for the fact that both of them knew her kindness.

Nott and Jester stood up and started rummaging at Nott's ratty backpack. They both uncovered a large amount of shiny trinkets, pretty combs and basically every kind of sparkling knick-knacks Caduceus can imagine.

"All right, sit down here and we're going to get you all pretty for a dinner date with Caleb," Jester said, already brandishing a comb and a string of beads.

"Will that make Caleb happy?"

"Oh, it will."

They started combing Caduceus' hair and braiding it into an intricate hairstyle with beads and ornaments adorning his pink hair. They even used some makeup that Caduceus recognized belongs to Beau and used only when she was bored on the road.

Nott made up a makeshift necklace from a sparkly thread and various dainty ornaments and put it on his neck as a finishing touch.

Jester grabbed a bejeweled hand mirror from Nott's pile of treasure and handed it to Caduceus so he can look at their handiwork.

He didn't have much time to inspect all of the ornaments that were stuck in an almost haphazard manner into his braid before they started fussing over his clothes and shoving him outside and telling him to find Caleb and ask him for a date.

They also had to explain to him what a date is after seeing his confused face.

Nott shoved a handful of gold into his pocket, even as he protested, and told him to buy Caleb a nice hot meal. They closed the door behind them, preventing him from escaping back into his room.

"Caduceus...?"

He turned around and found Caleb staring at him a few feet away from him.

"I was downstairs and heard Nott and Jester laughing and making a ruckus," he explained as he dropped down his gaze to the floor. "I wanted to make sure that they weren't causing too much trouble."

"Oh no, I just wanted to talk to them for a bit and they decided that dressing me up is a reasonable solution," he said, motioning to his braids and necklace. "I was actually looking for you, are you busy this evening?"

"I was planning on going to the night market with Nott, but I see she's already having fun with Jester."

"Why don't you go with me?" Caduceus asked. "I would think that I'm already dressed appropriately for a festival."

Caleb's eyes widen a little, clearly not expecting the offer. He shuffled a bit and rubbed his own nape before nodding a bit.

" _Ja,_ okay."

"Excellent," Caduceus said, smiling widely.

Both of them started walking together, following the noises in the distance. The market wasn't far from their inn and they arrived in minutes, and were greeted by half-elves handing out flowers.

"How about this one for the lovebirds?" one of them said as she pulled out a beautiful bellflower from her basket.

"Oh, we're not-" Caleb's sentence were cut short as the half-elf deftly stuck the flower behind his ear and skipped away to find another visitor.

"Well, let's find something to eat, shall we?" Caduceus said as he extended his hand in invitation.

Caleb shyly accepted his hand and they both walked around the market, multiple vendors were cooking on an open fire or using various peculiar utensils to make their foods. A horde of children started crowding around Caduceus, curious about the festively-dressed firbolg.

Caduceus smiled and picked one up that was jumping around and asking to be picked up. The child in his arm started to laugh gleefully for being picked up by someone so tall and sparkly.

The other children stared jealously at their lucky friend and started begging for turns. One of them turned their head and looked at Caleb, who was hovering around them, not knowing what to do.

"Mister!" she said to him. "Can you please pick me up? I wanna touch the pink man's hair!"

Caleb visibly panicked and freezed in place, the kid still tugging on his sleeves.

"Ah, why don't I sit down so I can play with all of you?" Caduceus said to the crowd of children.

They all cheered and sat down with the tall firbolg on a patch of grass. All of them started asking questions at the same time and Caduceus patiently answered everything.

While all of this was happening, Caduceus was aware of a boy who was hiding behind an empty stall, watching all of them interact. And he's aware that Caleb also saw the same thing.

He watched as Caleb approached the boy, both are too far away for him to hear what they're talking about. But he saw Caleb summon Frumpkin and watched as the boy's curious hand pet the cat.

A smile crept to his face as Frumpkin purred in return, the shy boy looked up to Caleb with a bright smile on his face and a giggle. And with a tentative hand and a half-smile, Caleb's hand rose up to give the boy an awkward pat on the head.

The sight sent flutters down Caduceus' stomach, making him forget about the children that is currently poking his armor and pointing at the mosses that grew on it.

Before long, the kids scattered after their parents called them, sending apologetic looks to Caduceus and moving on to the market or going back home. The boy that was with Caleb ran towards his mother and smiled back to the wizard before waving his hand at him.

Caleb returned the wave and stood up to pat away some dust from his coat and let Frumpkin climb onto his shoulder and drape himself on the back of his neck.

"Mr. Caleb," Caduceus called. "Some of the kids talked about a firework show later this night, would you like to watch it with me?"

Caleb only nodded and followed Caduceus' lead to what he thought might be the best spot to watch the fireworks based on the information he got from listening to kids recounting their stories.

Their walk lead to a small hill overlooking the night narket and a part of the city, a bit far away from the crowd, but Caduceus knew that Caleb wouldn't mind that. They have a limited view of the night market but if they started the firework show, there's no doubt that they'll see everything from here.

"I... wanted to talk to you, about something, Mr. Caleb," he said as soon as Caleb started settling on the grass.

"Oh? About?"

"What you said a few days ago, about wanting something more than a friendship from me," Caduceus said plainly, but the words still made Caleb freeze a little bit.

"That... was just a silly thought," he answered without looking at Caduceus. "Don't worry about it."

"Do you still want it?"

Caleb didn't answer and busied himself by scratching Frumpkin's belly. The cat purring and batting at Caleb's finger playfully.

"I'm willing to give that to you," Caduceus said after a few beat of silence.

His sentence made Caleb's hand stop in its track.

"Do you even know what you're offering?" came his quiet response.

"I must admit that I do not know much about romance," he admitted. "But I know that I want you to be happy."

"Wanting me to be happy doesn't mean that you are willing to give me more than a friendship, Caduceus," he said. "It just means that you are a good friend."

Whatever retort Caduceus wanted to say was cut short with a loud booming from a distance. Colorful sparks filled his peripheral vision, but he can't seem to look away from Caleb's illuminated face.

He could wax poetries about him, he could compare him to the most beautiful flower he'd ever seen. But he knew that wouldn't be enough to make Caleb see.

He placed his hand on Caleb's cheek, to make the wizard look at him, and waited for a protest or rejection.

When neither came, he waited for a moment of silence between the fireworks.

"May I?" he asked.

Caduceus watched as a conflicted expression flashed on Caleb's face. But he waited patiently for any kind of response.

When Caleb nodded, Caduceus leaned forward to press a kiss on his lips.

The booming of the fireworks was drowned by the sounds of his own beating heart. He closed his eyes and let Caleb's hand grasp at his shirt and pull him closer.

It seemed like forever and a second at the same time before Caleb had to take a breath and pulled back.

"Do you believe me now?" Caduceus asked, his thumb swiping a stray lock of hair away from Caleb's face.

Without saying a thing, Caleb buried his face into Caduceus' chest and embraced him tightly.

"Please, don't let this be a dream," he muttered.

Caduceus simply wrapped his arm around him and caressed his hair to let him know that it's all real.


	8. Epilogue

_Dear journal,_

_You have been a very good friend this season. I hope that I've been treating your pages and bindings well._

_I have been writing all of my questions here. Sometimes I get answers, sometimes I don't. I don't mind, it's how things work._

_I still have a lot of questions, a lot of things that I don't understand. But I have someone to answer that questions now. Someone who would not mind laying down with me without a roof on our head and just answer all of my questions._

_In this last page, I'd like to thank you for listening to me. And thank you for collecting all of the signs that I just wasn't able to interpret its meaning until someone else explained it to me._

_Thank you, for gifting me with Caleb's companionship. I hope that you will fare well and feel at home with these other books._

Caduceus closed his journal, probably for the last time. He held it on his arm, feeling its familiar and comforting weight, before he slid it into the library shelf, somewhere between books about various local plantlife and a farming instruction book.

"Caduceus? I think I'm done here, I have all the notes I need," came Caleb's voice.

"Ah, that's nice," he replied. "I'm also finished here, should we go back to our friends?"

"Yes, we should."

Caduceus stood up and smoothed down his shirt. With a smile, he offered his hand to Caleb.

The wizard accepted the hand and they walked out of the library together to the snowy city. Perhaps not the most ideal weather, but they make do.

"Did you read anything interesting?" Caleb asked.

He's been getting better at small talk, Caduceus noted. Not empty small talk, but things that he's curious about but also not important enough that the Caleb from a season ago would not ask simply from not wanting to be a bother.

"No, I did not actually," he confessed. "I was... saying goodbye."

"In a library?"

"Yes, what better place to say goodbye to a journal?"

"Oh," Caleb said with a bit of disappointment in his voice. "Did you not like the journal?"

"I like it very much, Mr. Caleb," he replied with a chuckle. "It is fully filled, and now it will rest with other wonderful books."

Caleb mulled over his answer for a bit before giving him a small smile.

"I'm glad."

Caduceus leaned over to brush aside his hair and give him a kiss to the temple.

As they walked in comfortable silence, Caduceus mused to himself.

Caleb still carried his past close to his heart, that never changed even through their combined effort at letting himself feel happiness again, and Caduceus believed that he'll never let go.

Sometimes he'd stare blankly into nothing. But he didn't shrivel back into his shell like he used to when he came back. He'd accept Caduceus' comforting hugs and everyone else's attempt at cheering him up.

And who knows? Maybe he'll even forgive himself, one day

Only time will tell, and Caduceus will stay with him through it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all thank you so much for the comment and kudos! I know I update once per week or two weeks and I'm so sorry! I'd like to update much faster but y'know my two last brain cells won't work fast enough.
> 
> Anyway I have plans of writing more clayleb fics because I stan clayleb and there's not many of them here (not as rare as pumat/caduceus but i digress.)
> 
> Thank you again for reading!


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